Because I don’t value my sanity at all, I have decided to watch and tell you about the most popular YouTube videos of all time. After all, I have no better way to spend my time than sifting through the internet’s landfill.
Rihanna – Don’t Stop The Music
68.4 million views
Judging by the video, this song is about Rihanna adjusting her boobs in the bathroom. Also, she claps. I like to think that, had the video continued another 10 minutes or so, we would see Rihanna getting the clap in a dingy bathroom.
Best Comment: hello AMANDA what ups AMANDA YOU SEEL MAD AT ME IF YOU SEEL MAD AT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME ON THE WEEKEND.AND MY DAD SAID YES IF TO HUNG OUT WITH YOU TONIGHT. BEST FRIENDS FOREVER.
Leona Lewis – Bleeding Love
68.5 million views
Leona Lewis and her crack team of multiracial stripper neighbors have terrible luck with men. This is probably why Leona likes to make out with walls, floors and radiators. Luckily for them and us, African-American Stripper set the building on fire and they won’t be whining anymore.
Best Comment: This song describes wat im going threw.My FAVOURITE SONG. Every word she says is so TRU
Lo que tú Quieras Oír
76.2 million views
I think the title means “Daddy Left Because Mommy Never Gets Off The Phone.” I’m not sure—I used a screwdriver to forcefully remove any Spanish I didn’t forget immediately after high school.
Best Comment: WHAT IS THIS??
Evolution of Dance
98.9 million views
The video is described as “The funniest 6 minutes you will ever see!” Honestly, I think it’s more likely that 98.9 million people are hot for the balding comedian in the pink shirt.
Best Comment: hey plz come watch my video so i can win a bet for $100.00!!!! i need 1000 views my next monday
Avril Lavigne – Girlfriend
101.6 million vides
Whoever decided to mix punk rock and cheerleading is a marketing genius who needs to be shot, strangled and tried for crimes against humanity. I’m going to go throw up what’s left of my brain and then maybe I’ll spend the rest of my days in a monastery where I’ll never, ever have to see anything like this again.
I hate you, The Internet.
Best Comment: It enchants this song to me !